Blumner Misattributes Media, "Easier Road"

May 13, Robyn Blumner column
RE: Stay-at-home moms take big financial risk(http://www.sptimes.com/2007/05/13/News/Stay_at_home_moms_tak.shtml)

In her column, Robyn Blumner wisely advises that mothers should never rest easy and just assume their husbands will always be fully dedicated to the marriage partnership. To take that gamble puts women and their children in a very precarious position. I’m sure all the divorced mothers out there never planned on their marriage failing or thought their husband would leave them poverty stricken. They mistakenly believed that love was enough.

Nevertheless, the reason that accomplished, educated, professional women are opting for full-time motherhood when their children are young is not (as Blumner assumed) because of the media, career stress, or that being a stay-at-home mom is the “easier road.” The reason that we are staying home with our young children is because we feel that being a full-time mother to our young children is the best thing for our children.

I remember when I thought that motherhood was probably pretty easy. That was before I had children. Now I think that for some mothers, it is probably the “easier road” to drop their babies off at daycare for eight or nine hours and go to work and get something accomplished in the larger world.

Yet, if some mothers (or fathers – see Chris Gardner) had to drop off their babies they would never stop crying. Some parents that have to work cry because they know that five bottles of formula, an hour of Elmo, and two three-hour naps at the $8-an-hour day care lady’s house doesn’t compare with mom, nursing that baby, singing it goofy songs, rolling around on the floor together, learning signs at Music With Mar together, and falling asleep with visions of bug hunts, tickles, jokes, and comfort, all from mom. I may not be using my Ph.D. fully, but I’m willing to bet that I’m doing a better job at teaching my kids how to read, making them learn right from wrong, and instilling our values of kindness, acceptance, integrity, and honesty, than anyone else could do.

In fact, no one could pay me enough to drop my kids at day care so that I could go to work. Perhaps what Scott Peck wrote is true, that “Making a big difference in one person’s life is more important than making a small difference in many lives.” Raising our kids ourselves is the most important thing we will ever do.

Yes, staying at home is a short-term risk, but it is worth it. If I didn’t have my husband on board with that and deep trust, I couldn’t make this sacrifice. Still, I plan to pursue a vibrant career as the children grow. They are only a few years that mom is needed so badly. Before I know it, they’ll be asking me to drop them off a block from the mall. To everything, there is a season.

-A.