Hydrogen

Did you know that before there were stars, there was Hydrogen. The young universe was bumpy, with pretty much only hydrogen in it. Whatever God was like, God really liked hydrogen and also the bumpy surface.

When a star first clumped together, it made helium, then carbon, oxygen, nitrogen and then every other element on the Periodic Table. The Star is God or God's finest worker.

Everything was made from the stars. There is not one thing in the entire universe that did not originate from a star. We are star stuff.

I wonder how the fundamentalist Christians deny this?

Funny Kids' Quotes

Lil Harry: "You know why I'm a little bit crazy? ... Because I press red buttons."

(5.29.03)
Lil Harry: "I always say 'YUM YUM' to Pooh trucks because I like to eat them ... but not Tigger."

Lil Harry: "Don't wear that perfume to smell pretty, Mommy, that
smells like dirt!"

(8.13.05)
Scott, on hearing the song by Peter Cetera, "The Glory of Love,"
Cetera sings,
"Sometimes I just forget
Say things I might regret
It breaks my heart to see you crying"
Scott says, "That man sometimes just forgets!"

Abby, on getting "Prayer Bear" when Bear says, "Now I lay me...If I
should die, before I wake..."
Abby says, "Mommy, that Bear is going to die!"


Haaa hhaaa!!! LOL!

The Wife in 1955

These are some things about marriage I've been thinking about.

See the attachment showing The Wife in 1955. I kind of find this idea of The Wife comforting, however deluded. I think it is true that The Wife/Mother's happiness determines the family's happiness and that what the Mother does can have a powerful effect on the family's happiness. Still, I would amend the specifics of this Mother Ideal for 2005 (I don't think I'll be changing the kids' clothes...). The general idea of taking care of the family is a good one. Whether we like it or admit it or not, the woman is in charge of the home. We know this by the "second shift" statistics: even when mom works full-time, she works a second shift at home. Mom's the leader of the home.

Men are different than women. They have different strengths. I don't expect too much out of them when it comes to 50-50 care of the home/family. They just aren't geared to it; they just aren't as good at it. Why ask(nag) them something, only to frown because you can do it better/faster? Females from birth are superior to picking up on cues in the social environment. We've been (mostly inadvertently) learning how to be mothers all our lives. Too bad I wasn't more interested in a fantastic Home Ec class (there aren't any). Men (and boys) are much more vulnerable than women: men have far stronger emotions when they have them and they aren't even able/allowed to let them out. Men are soulful inside and if this is not expressed, a man may burnout or turn to an affair. This is true for women too, except that women have a lot of practice having and expressing their emotions (sometimes too much!). Women are also "allowed" to have emotions.

No matter what the woman does, her man still feels his role is The Provider and Protector of his family. This goal is an enormous weight. He should feel his home is a haven free from stress and full of true acceptance, affection, and love. "My husband is my hero": I'm going to put that on a t-shirt.

About the 2005 version of the Wife Ideal... It's probably not always realistic to dust before hubby comes home, but it may be nice to:

• Greet him with a big smile, hug, and kiss.
• Tell the kids, "Daddy's coming home! Let's have a clean-up race."
• Hug him, touch his arm, smile at him, say, "I'm proud of you."
• Have dinner or plans underway for him.
• Never nag or make faces.
• Never criticize.
• Compliment him twice a day. Thank him even more.
• Wake up every morning and paste a smile on your face. There is no room for PMS.
• Nourish his soul. Encourage him to get out or do what really makes him come alive. Be excited about his ideas and do some of them.
• When he suggests something different, say "Yes, dear" and at least try. Do not defend against it.
• Ask him a specific question from what you remember about his work and interests. Really listen, look in his eyes, never interrupt.
• Do all the household tasks you can without complaint or wearing yourself out for him later, all with a smile on your face.
• Squeeze in a mini-break to recharge yourself. Paint your toe nails or glance at a magazine or Oprah.
• Thank God every day for your wonderful husband.
• Think not what your husband can do for you, think what you can do for your husband.
• Make him feel like the Hero, The Man. Do no break him down.
• If you must ask for a change, do so in the calmest, most respectful way. Say that it would really help you.
• Be attracted to your husband, make yourself attractive for him, for yourself, for your children.
• Put your husband first over your children (over the age of 1 and not actually about to die). Children come between spouses (sometimes literally!). This means taking time to talk, hug, date after kids' bedtime, and go on dates. How fun!
• Buy him little gifts and leave him little notes.
• Remind him of the girl he used to know: Have fun together.
• Be grateful you have a good man, a husband, and a father for your children. Never forget the alternative. Most parents who divorce do so before their child is 5 years old.
• You may want to change him, but resist. What do we want, a woman? He has his own nature and his own contributions.
• Think, "When I'm about to die, my best friend and lover, my husband, will be there loving me, holding my hand and we'll have shared a lifetime together."

All that said, there will definitely be times when the above is not possible. However, this happens to be my Ideal. Maybe some of it makes sense to you, too. Of course, when we're trying to take care of children, go to school, go to work, clean the whole house, volunteer, take care of family commitments, make all the appointments, keep track of health issues, and be a wonderful wife, this ideal can be difficult.

Maybe I'm wrong about not expecting too much out of the Man and yours is actually totally responsible for scouring the corners in the bathrooms and noticing when little Johnny's fever has broken (JoNise wins!). Correct me if I'm too easy on them.

Also, I think the Wife should have limits when dealing with her husband and children. If doing something for them would truly be detrimental to you, you should nicely say, "No." And husbands/children must always speak to wives/mom in a respectful manner or don't speak at all. Sometimes it is even necessary to reinvent your whole relationship after a huge, life-changing conflict or event. (For me it was child being born.) There must be respect and honesty. Over time you will learn to be a partner to each other again, creating a whole new marriage.

I just taped a list of "Household Tasks" to the fridge that I would like help with. I figured typing a list was better than ask/nagging. I don't really expect anyone to have time for these tasks, because I don't even have time for them (which is why I need a little help with them). But by putting it on the List, we could certainly both see that these things don't have to just fall into my jurisdiction. I'm booting them out of my jurisdiction for now. Maybe I'll even do them more now that I see them on the List. We'll see. ;-/

Here's to Marriage, the cornerstone of society.

New Music

OK, I'm one of those people that does get our too much and does not have much access to new, interesting music. So, I thought I'd share some new music I've heard and where I've heard it. Any comments on these or other new bands, music, internet radio stations, etc would be appreciated.

Have you heard the new New Order record, Waiting for the Sirens' Call? I think its great. A friend let me borrow it the other day and it hasn't left my CD player. It is at least as good as their last record, Get Ready (which I loved), if not better.

A band I've liked recently on Netscape Radio and 3WK:

• The Decemberists
  

the same friend that lent me the New Order CD also recommended the Kaiser Chiefs. I found a nice live sample of them on BBC Radio here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/6music/events/hub/kaiser_gallery.shtml. I've since learned that BBC Radio is a cool place to listen to new music. I enjoyed the Radio 6 Music Chart the other day and I've also heard Radio 1's Chart Show is good (at least for us musically challenged folks).

Some upcoming shows we've been considering going to:

• The Ravonettes (Also heard on Netscape Radio)
  From here:
  
  Tuesday May 24th, 2005 (my birthday)
  
  The Raveonettes;
  AutoLux; The Peels.
  The State Theatre
  Tickets $12.00 in advance
  $14.00 - Day of Show
  Doors open 7:00PM
• Jonathan Richman
  From the WMNF Concert Schedule:
  Tuesday, June 7th 8pm
  Jonathan Richman
  Skipper's Smokehouse (Tampa)

One of these days I'd like to have a new music listening party and/or start a dedicated new music blog just to keep up. That's all I've got for now.

Cheers!

Locker Room Porn Star

OK, is it just me or is there a particular line of locker room etiquette that is crossed when individuals choose to strut around the locker room without wearing anything? No, it’s not a big deal; I can probably live with it, but it definitely vexes me. So much so that I guess I feel the need to write this to get it off of my chest.

There are certain people out there that choose to make absolutely no effort to cover themselves presumably on their way to or from the shower. My gym even has one of those curtained-off, private areas outside the shower in which one is free to prepare for the shower beforehand and to prepare to reenter the world of clothing afterward. However, even with this amenity there are still those that would prefer to share their loins with the rest of the locker room community.

Now, I understand I’m in a locker room; I should probably expect that there be semi-nude individuals in the vicinity every once in a while. However, it seems as though there are some individuals that lack a certain level of modesty about them. I don’t mean to say that these people are necessarily conscious of their poodle parade, I wish they were; it is as if these people haven’t a clue that it is not polite to prance around the locker room without any attempt to cover up. More likely, it is that these people do not care a bit how their exposition may make others feel uncomfortable. They act like they are on a porno movie set: “Nobody cares if I walk around in the buff. They’re all watchin’ me anyway.” If we were in a nudist colony, fine, I would deem this acceptable behavior. Maybe in locker rooms of other cultures, this would be OK. In American locker rooms it seems that there is unwritten etiquette that states “whenever it is remotely possible, cover yourself.”

Now, maybe this is not the case in women’s locker rooms as I have not ever been in the situation where I could take observations on how women behave in this context. My sample of one (my wife) states that she has not noticed this type of locker room porn star behavior, but that does not mean it does not happen there too. However, for some reason, I doubt that. It seems that it is usually the male of the species that puts on a display for the female, or in this case, whomever.

Don’t get me wrong. Most individuals tend to show some respect for those around them; at least their actions erring on the side of modesty seem to acknowledge the presence of others. I like to follow the rule, “in and out and no one gets hurt.” By this I mean, dress and undress yourself quickly, efficiently. Wear the underwear you plan to exercise in before you get to the gym. Minimize the nudity whenever possible. After shower time, put on at least your underwear in the shower area, finish getting dressed and get out. We don’t want to see you naked. Really, we don’t.

So, this is a request to all of the locker room porn stars of the world: stop the indecency, show some humility, and please, oh, please cover yourself up. At the very least, use a towel; the rest of us are not interested in watching your cullions drip-dry.

Smart Discipline...

Hi!

I went to a parenting class last night called "Smart Discipline." The book of the same name is written by Larry Koenig, Ph.D. There are 2 aspects to this discipline. First, there is a chart. Second, there is praise. However, there are specific techniques for both to use optimally.

The first aspect of Smart Discipline is the chart. Step 1: Brainstorm and make a list of everything your child does which drives you crazy. Step 2: If your child is less than 8 years old, choose the top 5 of those bad behaviors and make a list of rules based on them. (You may make more rules over 8 years old.) Step 3: Make a list of your child's favorite things. Rank them from 1 to 5 with 5 being the most favorite. Make daily charts that have 8 boxes. In the first three, write nothing. In the last five go the 5 favorite things. Under the boxes, make a line that says, "Good job on _____."

So now you have a page with The Rules on it and a page with a chart (boxes) on it. Explain to the child that these are the rules and could they help you work on keeping them? Next explain that whenever they break a rule (only the 5 on the list), they get a strike in a box going from left to right. Say, "you have 3 free boxes. Then you will lose privledges when you break a rule."

The second aspect of Smart Discipline is about praise. Because a child is very influenced by how others label him/her, you can use this to your advantage. Make a list of the values that you want your child to have. Make sure to include ones in which your child may be lacking most at the moment. Pick one value. Then, look for any evidence that shows some inkling of that value. Later, take 2 minutes to say, for example, "I noticed that you were honest about taking an extra marble without asking. This shows that you are a very honest person. I really like that about you. Thank you for being honest." Or, you may jot this down as a note that they may cherish. Or, you may opt to have them "overhear" you saying this kind of thing to your spouse or friend.

Happy Smart Disciplining!


PS- We also use 1-2-3 timeout for anything that's not on the short list of 5 rules. And, we also use marbles -- particularly for good eating and behavior at meal times. Marbles can be used for a prize later.

Good Luck!

The Hero With a Thousand Faces

I've been reading Joseph Campbell's The Hero With a Thousand Faces.

The idea of the hero is universal. So is the idea of God, as well as the hero's journey. The hero stories are told because the hero is you, if you can begin the journey.

All hero stories follow a separation-initiation-return progression. We need not follow a psychologist, necessarily; one only needs to follow the hero's path. Campbell writes that our life adventure is a series of mini (and sometimes major) deaths and rebirths: In order to live a more conscious, spiritual life, we must die to the old one with its mistakes, sins, and ego-centrisms.

The image the Christ on the Cross and the Buddha under the Tree of Life are the same. (Christ’s image further calls us "to suffer with," the definition of empathy.) We die to our body, our physical side, our ego and all it's desires. Instead, we gain eternal bliss of the spirit. Only in submission, through virtue, in service to others, are we heroic. Only in dying to our primal drives and submitting to service do we, in fact, gain the Christ Within.

The "call to adventure" to begin the separation stage of the quest into a fateful region of treasure and danger may be a blunder. Or, if the calling has been ignored, the reason to stop procrastinating may be pain. Proverbs, 1:24-27, 32: "Because I have called, and ye refused... distress and anguish cometh upon you."

This is where I am in the book. However, I can see that in the hero's return, he becomes the master of two worlds (yin-yang, the duality/multiplicity is whole) and achieves true freedom in a conscious, vibrant life. The realm of the gods is a forgotten dimension of the world we know. Heaven is here. When Jesus said, "The kingdom of heaven is at hand." He really meant, literally for once, "Heaven is in your hands, right where you are." However, individual destiny is not the motive or the theme for the hero's return. The hero returns and shares glimpses of "the One (God) who cannot be named." The God that can be named, defined, categorized by our little minds is not the true God (Tao).

Bhagavad-Gita: "Do without attachment the work you have to do... Surrendering all action to ME, freeing yourself from longing and selfishness, fight -- unperturbed by grief." Through sacrifice/submission to others and to the fulfillment of God's destiny for us, we gain honor in everyday life. The hero is the champion of things becoming.

Namaste', I recognize and celebrate the divine Christ within you,


PS- J. Campbell says, "Follow your bliss." BILL MOYERS: Do you ever have the sense of... being helped by hidden hands?
JOSEPH CAMPBELL: All the time. It is miraculous. I even have a superstition that has grown on me as a result of invisible hands coming all the time - namely, that if you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in your field of bliss, and they open doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be. My general formula for my students is "Follow your bliss." Find where it is, and don't be afraid to follow it.

PSS-Some favorite quotes from some hero tales, this one (parts of it) starts my dissertation...

Jerry Maguire: "Two nights later in Miami at our corporate conference, a breakthrough. Breakdown? Breakthrough.

(continuing)

It was the oddest, most unexpected thing. I began writing what they call a Mission Statement for my company. You know -- a Mission Statement -- a suggestion for the future. What started out as one page became twenty-five. Suddenly I was my father's son. I was remembering the simple pleasures of this job...

And suddenly it was all pretty clear. The answer was fewer clients. Caring for them, caring for ourselves, and the games too. Starting our lives, really.

SHOT OF SENTENCE: We must embrace what is still virginal about our own enthusiasm, we must crack open the tightly clenched fist and give back a little for the common good, we must simply be the best versions of ourselves... that goodness will be unbeatable and the money will appear.

"I have failed as much as I have succeeded. But I love my life. I love my wife. And I wish you my kind of success."