Hi!
I went to a parenting class last night called "Smart Discipline." The book of the same name is written by Larry Koenig, Ph.D. There are 2 aspects to this discipline. First, there is a chart. Second, there is praise. However, there are specific techniques for both to use optimally.
The first aspect of Smart Discipline is the chart. Step 1: Brainstorm and make a list of everything your child does which drives you crazy. Step 2: If your child is less than 8 years old, choose the top 5 of those bad behaviors and make a list of rules based on them. (You may make more rules over 8 years old.) Step 3: Make a list of your child's favorite things. Rank them from 1 to 5 with 5 being the most favorite. Make daily charts that have 8 boxes. In the first three, write nothing. In the last five go the 5 favorite things. Under the boxes, make a line that says, "Good job on _____."
So now you have a page with The Rules on it and a page with a chart (boxes) on it. Explain to the child that these are the rules and could they help you work on keeping them? Next explain that whenever they break a rule (only the 5 on the list), they get a strike in a box going from left to right. Say, "you have 3 free boxes. Then you will lose privledges when you break a rule."
The second aspect of Smart Discipline is about praise. Because a child is very influenced by how others label him/her, you can use this to your advantage. Make a list of the values that you want your child to have. Make sure to include ones in which your child may be lacking most at the moment. Pick one value. Then, look for any evidence that shows some inkling of that value. Later, take 2 minutes to say, for example, "I noticed that you were honest about taking an extra marble without asking. This shows that you are a very honest person. I really like that about you. Thank you for being honest." Or, you may jot this down as a note that they may cherish. Or, you may opt to have them "overhear" you saying this kind of thing to your spouse or friend.
Happy Smart Disciplining!
PS- We also use 1-2-3 timeout for anything that's not on the short list of 5 rules. And, we also use marbles -- particularly for good eating and behavior at meal times. Marbles can be used for a prize later.
Good Luck!
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Sunday, February 20, 2005
The Hero With a Thousand Faces
I've been reading Joseph Campbell's The Hero With a Thousand Faces.
The idea of the hero is universal. So is the idea of God, as well as the hero's journey. The hero stories are told because the hero is you, if you can begin the journey.
All hero stories follow a separation-initiation-return progression. We need not follow a psychologist, necessarily; one only needs to follow the hero's path. Campbell writes that our life adventure is a series of mini (and sometimes major) deaths and rebirths: In order to live a more conscious, spiritual life, we must die to the old one with its mistakes, sins, and ego-centrisms.
The image the Christ on the Cross and the Buddha under the Tree of Life are the same. (Christ’s image further calls us "to suffer with," the definition of empathy.) We die to our body, our physical side, our ego and all it's desires. Instead, we gain eternal bliss of the spirit. Only in submission, through virtue, in service to others, are we heroic. Only in dying to our primal drives and submitting to service do we, in fact, gain the Christ Within.
The "call to adventure" to begin the separation stage of the quest into a fateful region of treasure and danger may be a blunder. Or, if the calling has been ignored, the reason to stop procrastinating may be pain. Proverbs, 1:24-27, 32: "Because I have called, and ye refused... distress and anguish cometh upon you."
This is where I am in the book. However, I can see that in the hero's return, he becomes the master of two worlds (yin-yang, the duality/multiplicity is whole) and achieves true freedom in a conscious, vibrant life. The realm of the gods is a forgotten dimension of the world we know. Heaven is here. When Jesus said, "The kingdom of heaven is at hand." He really meant, literally for once, "Heaven is in your hands, right where you are." However, individual destiny is not the motive or the theme for the hero's return. The hero returns and shares glimpses of "the One (God) who cannot be named." The God that can be named, defined, categorized by our little minds is not the true God (Tao).
Bhagavad-Gita: "Do without attachment the work you have to do... Surrendering all action to ME, freeing yourself from longing and selfishness, fight -- unperturbed by grief." Through sacrifice/submission to others and to the fulfillment of God's destiny for us, we gain honor in everyday life. The hero is the champion of things becoming.
Namaste', I recognize and celebrate the divine Christ within you,
PS- J. Campbell says, "Follow your bliss." BILL MOYERS: Do you ever have the sense of... being helped by hidden hands?
JOSEPH CAMPBELL: All the time. It is miraculous. I even have a superstition that has grown on me as a result of invisible hands coming all the time - namely, that if you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in your field of bliss, and they open doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be. My general formula for my students is "Follow your bliss." Find where it is, and don't be afraid to follow it.
PSS-Some favorite quotes from some hero tales, this one (parts of it) starts my dissertation...
The idea of the hero is universal. So is the idea of God, as well as the hero's journey. The hero stories are told because the hero is you, if you can begin the journey.
All hero stories follow a separation-initiation-return progression. We need not follow a psychologist, necessarily; one only needs to follow the hero's path. Campbell writes that our life adventure is a series of mini (and sometimes major) deaths and rebirths: In order to live a more conscious, spiritual life, we must die to the old one with its mistakes, sins, and ego-centrisms.
The image the Christ on the Cross and the Buddha under the Tree of Life are the same. (Christ’s image further calls us "to suffer with," the definition of empathy.) We die to our body, our physical side, our ego and all it's desires. Instead, we gain eternal bliss of the spirit. Only in submission, through virtue, in service to others, are we heroic. Only in dying to our primal drives and submitting to service do we, in fact, gain the Christ Within.
The "call to adventure" to begin the separation stage of the quest into a fateful region of treasure and danger may be a blunder. Or, if the calling has been ignored, the reason to stop procrastinating may be pain. Proverbs, 1:24-27, 32: "Because I have called, and ye refused... distress and anguish cometh upon you."
This is where I am in the book. However, I can see that in the hero's return, he becomes the master of two worlds (yin-yang, the duality/multiplicity is whole) and achieves true freedom in a conscious, vibrant life. The realm of the gods is a forgotten dimension of the world we know. Heaven is here. When Jesus said, "The kingdom of heaven is at hand." He really meant, literally for once, "Heaven is in your hands, right where you are." However, individual destiny is not the motive or the theme for the hero's return. The hero returns and shares glimpses of "the One (God) who cannot be named." The God that can be named, defined, categorized by our little minds is not the true God (Tao).
Bhagavad-Gita: "Do without attachment the work you have to do... Surrendering all action to ME, freeing yourself from longing and selfishness, fight -- unperturbed by grief." Through sacrifice/submission to others and to the fulfillment of God's destiny for us, we gain honor in everyday life. The hero is the champion of things becoming.
Namaste', I recognize and celebrate the divine Christ within you,
PS- J. Campbell says, "Follow your bliss." BILL MOYERS: Do you ever have the sense of... being helped by hidden hands?
JOSEPH CAMPBELL: All the time. It is miraculous. I even have a superstition that has grown on me as a result of invisible hands coming all the time - namely, that if you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in your field of bliss, and they open doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be. My general formula for my students is "Follow your bliss." Find where it is, and don't be afraid to follow it.
PSS-Some favorite quotes from some hero tales, this one (parts of it) starts my dissertation...
Jerry Maguire: "Two nights later in Miami at our corporate conference, a breakthrough. Breakdown? Breakthrough.
(continuing)
It was the oddest, most unexpected thing. I began writing what they call a Mission Statement for my company. You know -- a Mission Statement -- a suggestion for the future. What started out as one page became twenty-five. Suddenly I was my father's son. I was remembering the simple pleasures of this job...
And suddenly it was all pretty clear. The answer was fewer clients. Caring for them, caring for ourselves, and the games too. Starting our lives, really.
SHOT OF SENTENCE: We must embrace what is still virginal about our own enthusiasm, we must crack open the tightly clenched fist and give back a little for the common good, we must simply be the best versions of ourselves... that goodness will be unbeatable and the money will appear.
"I have failed as much as I have succeeded. But I love my life. I love my wife. And I wish you my kind of success."
Saturday, February 12, 2005
The Florida State Fair 2005
We took the family to the Florida State Fair again this year. This was our 3rd Florida Sate Fair trip in 4 years. Even though we were only there for about 5 hours, we all had a really great time. Both kids wanted to stay when it was time to leave. I’m writing this so I can remember the best things to do (and not to do) for next year.
14 Florida State Fair tips:
- If you can, buy your tickets ahead of time to save money. We intended to do this; Publix sold them for $6, but you had to buy them before the fair started. We unfortunately went to Publix a day late – no tickets – and we ended up paying full price, $10, at the fair gate. If you fell like giving blood when you go to the fair, I believe you can get a significant discount ($10?) off of the regular admission.
- Check the weather report before you go and be prepared. We were expecting it to be a little cooler than it was and ended up making an extra trip back to the van to unload everyone’s jackets. Last year, I think we ended up in the rain without ponchos or umbrellas.
- Bring your 2-way walkie-talkies. These things are perfect for the fair. We just got some for Christmas, but of course forgot to bring them to the fair. We often found ourselves needing to remotely triangulate on a location at the fairgrounds and the walkie-talkies would have been perfect for this.
- Bring a camera to remember the good time you are going to have and to allow yourself to savor the unique sites there are to see at the fair. Take lots of pictures.
- If you are bringing kids that may tire easily after walking around a lot (yes, you all will inevitably have walked miles before the day is done), bring in your own stroller. They rent strollers there for a daily rate, but why bother if you have your own.
- Bring plenty of cash. Most things at the fair cost money and in general, nothing is very cheap. Bring enough for admission (if you did not get tickets ahead of time), food/drinks, ride tickets, carnival games, paddle boats, tolls, and souvenirs. Don’t get stuck, like we did, having to use the ATM at the fair with a $2 surcharge. Note that kids 5 and under are free; so this was our last trip to the fair with our kids “totally free.”
- Always buy your ride tickets in bulk. They pretty much make it pointless not to do this. Ride tickets cost $20 for a 40-ticket sheet OR $1 per ticket. The rides we saw ranged from 2-6 tickets per person per ride. So if you pay $1 per ticket, the rides become very unreasonable. Oh yeah, buy at least your first set of tickets when you walk in the gate. That way, when you walk by a ride you or the kids want to do, you don’t have to go scrambling to find a ticket booth, although they are everywhere.
- Also when you enter the fair gate, grab a map and decide what shows or other entertainment you might be interested in. Plan to show up at the popular shows a little ahead of time to get a seat. It would also be a good time to scope out the many free things there are at the fair. Don’t forget to scope out the bathrooms as well.
- Enjoy those parts of the fair that have no cost. Usually these things are indoors where you can sit down, cool off, and take a break. The more time you spend away from money vacuum areas of the fair, the less you will spend.
- If you can take it, ride the big Ferris wheel because it gives you an awesome view of the entire fairgrounds and it is one of the rides that does not appear to be overly nauseating.
- Eat lots of food…
- Find a good location to eat your fair food. If you can, scope out a spot, have one person save it while the another gets the food. Find some live music or a nice shady spot with a view. We always like the live stage by the Budweiser tent near gate 3, in the heart of the fair food court.
- Don’t forget to grab plenty of napkins when you get your food because (a) you or at least your kids are going to need them and (2) they do not have any at the picnic tables.
- Don’t forget to eat some dessert before it’s time to go. There are plenty of tasty treats to try at the fair.
- People watch. There is always quite a wide assortment of interesting folk to see at the Florida State Fair.
- Rent paddle boats. This had to be the best deal the fair had going. For $2 per person, you get to cruise around in the pond there for as long as you would like. Now there were 6 of us, including the 2 boys, and the guy let us paddle for only $10! I bet this would be fun at night (we were there during the day).
- Have fun and enjoy yourself!
Florida State Fair main web site (maps, directions, pictures, schedule, etc.): http://www.floridastatefair.com/state_fair.asp
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Iraq Elections, Separation of Church and State, and Democracy Now
Here's my Blog-mail for tonight:
The elections and government-building in Iraq bring into sharp focus the importance and relevance of our own (US) founding. Jefferson and the founding fathers of America were radical visionaries convinced that a secular nation with a wall of separation between church and state was the only way to secure peace and freedom for the citizens. Consider the Iraq predicament: Instead of a secular government with various groups represented fairly and democratic freedom for all, Iraq may choose a theocracy based on the laws of Islam to govern its people. Thomas Jefferson was wise enough to spy the trend of declining freedom when religion creeps into governing a nation. Now, Americans fear that Iraqis may make the wrong choice. Americans need to look in the mirror and ask, "Are we in America doing everything we can to appreciate, support, and solidify the secular and pluralistic nature of our own government?"
Interesting info on why the world hates us...
Democracy Now! Noam Chomsky: U.S. Might Face "Ultimate Nightmare" in Middle East Where Shiites Control Most of World's Oil - This is Chomsky speaking about bully-merica.
Democracy Now! Confessions of an Economic Hit Man - U.S. cheats poor countries around the globe out of trillions of dollars by lending them more money than they could possibly repay and then taking over their economies.
The elections and government-building in Iraq bring into sharp focus the importance and relevance of our own (US) founding. Jefferson and the founding fathers of America were radical visionaries convinced that a secular nation with a wall of separation between church and state was the only way to secure peace and freedom for the citizens. Consider the Iraq predicament: Instead of a secular government with various groups represented fairly and democratic freedom for all, Iraq may choose a theocracy based on the laws of Islam to govern its people. Thomas Jefferson was wise enough to spy the trend of declining freedom when religion creeps into governing a nation. Now, Americans fear that Iraqis may make the wrong choice. Americans need to look in the mirror and ask, "Are we in America doing everything we can to appreciate, support, and solidify the secular and pluralistic nature of our own government?"
Interesting info on why the world hates us...
Democracy Now! Noam Chomsky: U.S. Might Face "Ultimate Nightmare" in Middle East Where Shiites Control Most of World's Oil - This is Chomsky speaking about bully-merica.
Democracy Now! Confessions of an Economic Hit Man - U.S. cheats poor countries around the globe out of trillions of dollars by lending them more money than they could possibly repay and then taking over their economies.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
